Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
