the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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