Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize