well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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