There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
