The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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