Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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