So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
