I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize