I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
