just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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