Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
