planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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