ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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