someone threw a dead crab at me
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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