Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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