Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
