I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
