I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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