At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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