ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
