Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
