hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!