I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!