i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.