my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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