I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
