I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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