Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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