you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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