i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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