I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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