Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
