my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
