it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
