did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
