dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
