I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
