Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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