come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
