just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
