Do you still have your period?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
