Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
