Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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