she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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