Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
