Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
