I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
