I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize