I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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