I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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