im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
