if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
