Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
As shirtless as possible
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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