i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
