Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
