Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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