Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
