Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
