Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did i walk over a car last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
