Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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