butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is wine microwaveable?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
