She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
