So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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