is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your penis caused this!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
