Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
