Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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