Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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