i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
